It’s so good to back with a new blog post, it certainly has been a while since I last posted.
These last 3 months, in particular, have been a huge challenge. There are people who definitely saw that. Although, I’m extremely grateful to have had the friends and family that were beside me all the way through my struggles.
One of the reasons why I’ve been so irregular on this blog is that I have a huge struggle with data. I consume insane amounts of it because I am quite simply addicted to the internet. I end up spending a lot of money on mobile data and that puts a lot of strain on my relationship with my mom. I am aware that I can set limits etc and learn how to control myself, but that my friends, is a lot easier said than done. For the past two years, this has been a big challenge for me as I’d always give in to my temptation because somehow the world seemed less lonely when I was behind a screen watching a video or liking some lousy Facebook post. Although, for the first time in a very long time, I can confirm that I have not bought any additional data on my cell phone contract for 18 days of this month. I’m really hoping to keep this up, as I feel empowered and I don’t need to let my addictions grab hold of me and ruin my life.
See, I battle with depression and I also suffer from bipolar. I’m undiagnosed, so I do not know which type I am as I have not yet been able to see a psychiatrist. I am aware of the dangers of diagnosing yourself but believe me, this isn’t one of those cases. Suffering from these mental illnesses make normal life increasingly difficult as my moods can affect a lot of my relationships and habits, as seen above. For the first half of 2018, it felt like I was constantly dancing with the devil and fighting a vicious war within myself. I was so lost and afraid. It was darker than my worst nightmare. Things got to the point where my mother had to take me to the doctor to put me on an antidepressant. The doctor is only a GP and I do realize that I will have to seek more specialised help eventually, but since I’ve been on the antidepressant, its really allowed me to see the potential in myself again and finally accomplish the goals that have been staring at me. One thing I also do realize is that the antidepressant does not empower me. I do that on my own, and I do not need a pill to have self-worth and determination!
My mental illness is not something that defines me, but it makes everyday life very difficult. I do apologize to anyone that I’ve offended whilst I was moody or irritated. I am working on it.
Yesterday I handed out 5 of my CVs and I opened up a new bank account, two major goals that I’ve been working towards for a while now. Along with that, I’ve started practising my driving and learning for my learner’s licence. There is hope, even on a bad day.
Remember, mental health is important. If you feel like you are struggling, do not be afraid to talk to someone.
I’d like to thank the following people for being there when I needed you the most. Leané, Khensani, Kiana, Kaylyn, Anne-Mari, Lwamkelo, Sethabile, Kholeka, Maggie, Craig L, Kobus, Johan VH, Richard VR, Steven, Ryan H, Mom, Claire, Dad & Carlin, Mrs Willemse, Mrs Nortje, Mrs Lourens, Mrs Claassen and Mrs Bekker. ❤️
I leave you with the following…
South African Depression and Anxiety Group: 011 234 4837
Yours in Madness.
The Bohemian Poet
P.S: The post about the Katy Perry show is coming soon. Stay tuned.